The Princess Pages III

"Who is that girl?"
Prince smitten with mystery guest

THE PRINCE'S BALL is almost over, and the final dance will be held tonight. But sources say the Prince may have already chosen his bride. For the past two evenings, he has danced almost exclusively with one unnamed guest.
     Nobody has been able to identify the mysterious beauty. An attentant of the Prince have revealed that not even His Royal Highness knows the identity of his fair dancing partner. The girl's key tactic is secrecy, and it is undeniably effective.
     Other lady guests at the ball have expressed irritation and criticism for the Prince's mystery girl. Well-known socialite Emmeline of Roschstad observed: "She knows just how to play it. She comes in every night with a sparklier, more expensive gown, talks to no one, flirts and dances with the Prince, and slips away early leaving him gasping for more."
     The temptress has been described as a young, golden-haired lady aged about 16. She arrives each night by coach, attended by a handsome retinue of servants. Witnesses suggest she may be a Baron's daughter, or a lady of some foreign court; but she speaks the local dialect, and her coach bears no identifying emblem or crest.
     Spectators are on the edge of their seats in anticipation of this evening's outcome.

____________________

Frog blackmails way into Princess's bed

THE PRINCESS WAS forced to wine, dine and bed a European bullfrog in the palace last night, sources say.
     The frog stood before the King yesterday claiming a verbal contract between himself and the Princess. Allegedly, the frog had agreed to retrieve a valuable lost item in exchange for entry to the palace, dinner at the Princess's table, and a night in the Princess's bedchamber.
     When questioned by her father, the Princess admitted she had made the promise, but had no intention of fulfilling it. She said the frog had refused to assist her unless she agreed to his demands. The King insisted she honour her verbal contract.
     A servingmaid described the dinner as "tense". The Princess sat "seething and glaring at His Highness the King, while the frog feasted noisily from Her Majesty's plate".
At her father's insistence, the Princess accompanied the frog to her bedchamber. No further reports are yet available.

____________________

Suicide rocks
royal wedding cruise

THE PRINCE'S WEDDING party was cut short this week after the drowning suicide of a guest. The death was witnessed by a member of the ship's night crew, who said, "I was on deck at 4am checking the rigging and I heard a clattering sound. I looked and saw the girl - a young friend of the Prince - standing on the wall of the ship. I called out to her but she'd already started to jump." The crewman then threw a raft down to save the girl, but he could not see her body in the water. "She must have sunk like a stone," he said. "I keep thinking I should have done more."
     It was found that the "clattering sound" was made by a dagger, dropped by the girl moments before she jumped. Investigators say that the presence of a second "implement of self harm" suggests the girl may have suffered from mental disturbance.
     The Prince and his new bride had chosen an ocean ceremony due to their shared love of the sea. Royal representatives released a statement from the Prince, who said, "I am deeply saddened by this death. She was a sweet girl and a dear friend, and I hope she is at peace."

Turtle Eater.

Everyone gather round! (Except for Nathan... sorry buddy.) I have found out what it means when they say "turtle" in reference to dessert items! Look! Look! Look!

Caramel chocolate turtles

In essence, a turtle is a bunch of pecan nuts, coated in chewy caramel, and topped with a layer of chocolate. Turtles are trademarked by the DeMets Candy Company, but that's not gonna stop us.

In any case, the base ingredients (pecans, caramel and chocolate) form an unbelievably delicious combination that can be adapted to any number of dessert items.

If you're angry with me for making you crave these unbelievable treats, and now you feel like you have to go out and buy a Mars bar or something to console yourself, just scroll through the rest of these pictures. They are so pornographic and oozy they will make you feel sick. Then you won't be hungry anymore!

(Click each photograph to find its source. Most sources provide recipes, too!)

Peanut butter toffee turtle cookies

Double caramel turtle cake

Caramel turtle bars

Turtle brownie cheesecake bars

Gourmet chocolate caramel turtle cheesecake

Presidential turtle brownie

Pumpkin caramel cheesecake turtle bread

Caramel turtle pecan cheesecake

Gourmet turtle fudge

Turtle ice cream pie

Chocolate turtle layer cake

Turtle mini cupcakes

Hungry? Inspired? Nauseous? Nathan?

The Princess Pages II

Sea Witch found guilty 
of dangerously unstable
"human makeover"

THE SEA WITCH has admitted to performing an illegal mermaid-to-human spell on the Mer-King's youngest daughter. The transformation was made without parental consent, and in unregulated conditions.
     Mermaid-to-human enchantments are extremely unstable if not properly monitored, due to body-spirit incompatibility. The Princess is currently living as a human, but the spell that created her body does not extend to creation of a soul. Without a soul, her body is at risk of chronic muscular pain, seizure, and heart failure.
     "The little mermaid came to me," says the witch. "She was desperate, and she didn't want her family to be involved." The witch says she performed the spell because "if I hadn't, the girl would have found someone else to do it."
     According to the Sea Witch, the Princess is intending to acquire a soul via marriage. If she can influence an ensouled human male to make a holy vow of love, then his soul will transfer to her.
     The Princess's family are deeply worried about the risks of this plan, and have launched a search for the Princess, hoping to convince her to return to the sea. Atlantic authorities are in negotiation with the Sea Witch, and may reduce her sentence if she is willing to reverse the Princess's transformation.

____________________

RAPED IN HER SLEEP
Coma victim gives birth to twins

A LONG-TERM COMA sufferer awoke last week to find herself giving birth to twins from an unknown father. The woman was found wandering disoriented around an abandoned castle estate, holding the two infants in her arms.
     Authorities have identified her as Briar Rose, a daughter of royal representatives several decades ago. The woman's story correlates closely to the documented records. She believes herself to have been comatose since suffering a severe allergic reaction to flax fibres at the age of 16. Her current age is unknown.
     The sleeping Ms Rose could only have been impregnated via sexual assault, authorities say. Unfortunately, there is very little evidence available to help identify the offender.
     The twins, a boy and girl, are remarkably healthy and suffered no complications during the pregnancy or birth. Ms Rose has named them Sun and Moon.

____________________

Door-to-door Deadly:
Saleswoman turns serial killer

RESIDENTS OF THE Woodside area are being warned not to invite salespeople into  their homes, after a housekeeper was exposed to a contaminated comb being offered as a free sample.
     Yesterday afternoon, Woodside residents found their maid, Snow White, unconscious on the floor with the comb tangled in her hair. They removed the comb, which was found to be coated in a powerful contact poison. Ms White regained consciousness confused but unharmed. She described her attacker  as a thin, stooped woman aged 45-55, wearing a tattered grey robe. She noted that the woman was well-spoken, and may have been a member of a high-status family suffering depleted finances.
     Woodside residents are urged to be on the lookout for a woman fitting this description. If you receive a house call from this woman or any other suspicious stranger, please contact local authorities.

Faith Painting.

Some people think an agnostic is just a weak variety of atheist.
Neither have faith in God, but, at least for the agnostic, there's hope. Perhaps they can still be converted, because they haven't made up their minds yet!

I watched a YouTube video today entitled "How to evangelize to an atheist", the heart-warming story of how some woman convinced her atheist nephew he was actually agnostic. Yeah, don't worry Jesus, we'll get him soon enough.

I admit I've struggled with the concept of agnosticism. My dad's agnostic, and it's often seemed like he's using it as a way of avoiding having to answer the God question. Damn weaselly agnostics.
(No disrespect to actual weasels,of course.)
Fence-sitter. Two-timer. Tease. A bit like the bisexual of the religion world: "Come on, be honest. You must like one better than the other!"

But agnostic and atheist aren't weak and strong versions of the same concept. They aren't a matter of Yes vs. Maybe. They aren't weak or strong. They are both null values.
The prefix a- implies absence, not opposition. See, amoral is not the opposite of moral. Moral actions are good and virtuous, but amoral actions aren't the opposite of good - they are just devoid of any moral framework. Committed without reference to good or evil.

Agnostic
The Greek word gnosis means "knowledge".
Gnosticism was an ancient religion centred around the attainment of "transcendental knowledge", but agnostic doesn't correspond to this specific faith. The word was created by T.H. Huxley in 1869, to describe persons "without knowledge of religious truths". He defined it thus:

"The vigorous application of a single principle:... do not pretend conclusions are certain that are not demonstrated or demonstrable."

As you can see, to be agnostic is to declare divinity unknowable and unprovable. The mistake people make is to assume this means agnostic people accept the possibility of God's existence. No, no they don't. A pure agnostic will not make a positive or negative statement about God's existence.
It's not just "I don't know."
It's "We can't know."

Atheist
Theism is the belief in a divine being. It's a general term, because various forms of theism diverge immensely:

A monotheist believes in one God only.
A polytheist believes in many.
A pantheist believes God is one with the universe.
A henotheist believes in several Gods but only worships one of them.
An autotheist believes in their own personal divinity.
A deist believes that God exists, but doesn't interfere with the universe.
A dystheist believes that God exists, but that he's morally ambivalent.
And a maltheist believes that God exists, but that he's a total bastard.

So an atheist is a person who has no belief in such gods. Richard Dawkins has a cute one-liner about this:

"We are all atheists about most of the gods that societies have ever believed in. Some of us just go one god further."

So an atheist denies belief in the divine; an agnostic denies knowledge of the divine.

You can be both. Or you can be neither. In fact, you can place yourself anywhere on this wheel, depending on the strength of your faith and conviction.

(click for a more detailed version)

Me? I'm firmly in the purple.
( Okay, I admit it. I organised the whole colour system so purple would be the colour that represented me. Shut up, it's a great colour. Makes me think of chocolate.)

Many atheists and agnostics possess some sliver of belief. They know it's irrational, but somehow they can't shake that sense of a grand presence in the universe. Religious apologists like to claim this as some kind of mystical perception: See? God exists - we can sense him around us!
I prefer the far more likely theory that this "God sense" is a remnant from early religious education. Most people are raised to believe in a god of some kind. Even children from non-religious families are exposed to religious messages. With so many other people convinced about God, it's impossible not to hear about it and wonder.

I'm the child of a non-religious family. As I said, there was exposure, and I have gone through periods of wondering. But I don't get that "sense". I really haven't got any time for faith.

And in regards to knowledge - well, I just don't know. There's evidence against the claims of certain religions. There's clear proof that certain beliefs (about the earth, about history, about nature) are false. But God, by most definitions, is unknowable. So I really don't think there will ever be proof for God. But against God? Can we be sure we will never disprove him?
So, it's the halfway mark for me.

What colour is your faith, dear readers?

Because you can't take it back.

A young man jumped from the top of the Menzies building at Monash Clayton on Friday night. He fell eleven storeys. He died.

I didn't know him. I had met him only once. Friends say he was chronically depressed and struggled with his unbalanced moods. But every time he fell into depression, he always managed to find his way back up again.

At just nineteen years old, he had many friends. He was, and is, loved. Not crazy, not isolated, not reclusive nor unwelcoming. Just terribly, terribly unhappy. And what frightens me most is how familiar this sounds. Not just to me, but to so many people around me.

Depression is one of the most common illnesses suffered by Australians. About 20% of us will experience clinical depression during our lives. About 17% of us are going through it right now. And thankfully, we're starting to realise that silence is stupid. We have to talk about it. We have to teach people what it means. I'm so grateful for the work of organisations like BeyondBlue, the push for awareness by charities like Movember, and the honesty of public figures like Andrew Robb.

Depression isn't "all in your head". It's a genuine illness that affects your mind and body in every way. Not just your feelings, but also the way you process thoughts and information. Depression degrades the immune system, saps energy and libido, and messes with your memory and mental processing. And I'll say it again: silence is stupid. You're not a big wuss for feeling like that. You don't have to swallow it down and march on. Depression isn't emo or girly or weak or an excuse. It's real and you have to fight it.

And suicide is stupid, and horrible, and hurtful, and you can't take it back.

So don't pretend it's not there. If you feel like your life is worthless, you're fucking wrong. You have loves and hopes and wonderful things still to dream and do. You don't want to lose all the great things you have - you just can't see them any more because your brain isn't working right. You don't want to die. You just don't want the pain any more.

So find help.
Friends, family, partners, colleagues, all the people in your life who might care - they can support you only if they know. They can support you - but you've still got the lead role.

Call a doctor.
Call a counsellor.
Call a psychiatrist.
Consider medication.
Consider cognitive therapy.
Consider lifestyle changes.
And don't leave yourself alone at night.

Blogrolling On.

If you're studying, you're going to need some serious exam procrastination material right about now, so I've decided to direct your attention to some fabulous content on the - how you say? - Interwebz.

It's been about five months since I told y'all about the blogs on my blogroll. It must be time for an update. I haven't stopped reading any of the old ones, but I have added a whole lotta new ones, so let me introduce you to some of them.

The Little Quince
Day-to-day daliances of the adorably alliterative Quincy Quincette. (Did I overdo it just now?)

Most times, when you hear of ADHD, you think of a scruffy little kid who won't listen to his schoolteacher. Well, Ms Quincette is a schoolteacher who's just discovered she has ADHD. She's currently learning about how her own mind works, which can be both frustrating and daft and really quite hilarious.

Of course that's just one of her recurring topics. She also writes about teaching, scary medical adventures, and dealing with the many unreasonable people who populate our lives. Also, there are cartoons!

Instant Awesome
Dom and Owen produce a regular podcast where they chat about the geeky love they share. For each podcast, they basically pick a subject that is awesome, and then devote twenty-odd minutes to explaining why it is awesome.

What I love about their show is that it's always upbeat and full of real fervour for its subject. It's not a twenty-minute infomercial, but it's not a snootier-than-thou critique show, either. This is what rocks about Geek Chic: genuine passion for the new, the unique, and the underappreciated.

If you loved early Nintendo games, trashy straight-to-video Disney sequels, or just knowing slightly too much about any given item of pop culture, just add Instant Awesome.

Watching the Aeroplanes
If you were starting an anonymous opinion blog, and you needed to choose a pseudonym that represented your political, religious and social views, your uber-nerd cred, and your dry sense of humour, where would you turn?

Douglas Adams. Duh.

Oolon Colluphid is the writer of Watching the Aeroplanes. He records his views on political and social issues, as well casting a critical eye over contemporary religious theory and practice. Plus the occasional dip into linguistic waters.

Morning Quickie
I can't remember how I found this feminist blog, but I'm so glad I did. I've been trying to learn more about what feminism means today, and this site is a fantastic little everyday reminder to keep yourself awake to gender inequality.

There are Morning Quickie writers in countries across the world. Some are female. Some aren't. They post daily news bites related to gender issues. Not just the oppression of women, but the identity struggle faced by men, the constrictions of the gender divide, book releases, sex advice, and the frankly embarrassing state of today's popular media.

Not Exactly Rocket Science
I have never been interested in science. But last summer I found a big exciting book about the evolution of life on earth, and it had pictures of animals and it was brightly coloured and shiny, so I picked it up and read it cover-to-cover. I'm still never going to be microbiologist, but I can say now that I have a fascination and enthusiasm for the science of life.

I found this blog by science writer Ed Yong: Not Exactly Rocket Science. It's perfect for my level of understanding. Non-scientists can understand the concepts and absorb the crucial details of new scientific discoveries. Ed writes in a style that is professional but comfortable; neither over-imposing his views on the material, nor facelessly churning it out in auto-summary.

He covers plenty of topics, generally based in biology. There's so much fascinating stuff in here, from the psychology of moral behaviour, to new archeological discoveries about dinosaurs, extinct critters, and early hominids.

Curious?
Well, who wouldn't be?

The Princess Pages.

Race change
for Sea King's youngest

AN INSIDER FROM the Pearl Palace today revealed that the Mer-King's youngest daughter has undergone elective species reassignment. The Princess, 15, is now living as a human. This announcement confirms recent rumours about the Princess's species orientation.
     The source said the news was "not really a surprise", as the Princess had displayed human-sympathetic tendencies from a young age. She is the owner of the largest human artefact collection in the known Ocean, and has made a number of highly-publicised visits to the Surface to observe cargo ships and coastside human communities.
     It is not known who administered the procedure, but it has been confirmed that the Princess obtained it without parental consent. Magic workers are required to obtain guardian consent for transformations on patients younger than 21 years.

____________________

Snow White tops list
of Mirror's Most Beautiful

THE MIRROR HAS released this year's edition of Most Beautiful Women In The Land. 7-year-old Princess Snow White has been named #1, relegating her royal stepmother to second place. Previously, the Queen held top spot for 6 years running.

     Fashion designer and social guru Heinrich Veal called the result "scandalous". He agrees that the Princess has blossomed in recent years: "Snow White has the flawless complexion and wide, glowing eyes of her late mother, but for taste and elegance, nobody can and nobody will approach our lovely Queen," Veal said.
     Veal's designs have often received favourable attention at court, and he is rumoured to be working on a collection of gowns modelled on the Queen's trademark style.

     Danuta Bergsson, president of the Children's Advocacy Council, has also spoken out against the result. This week, in an open letter to the Mirror, she wrote: "At age 7, Snow White is far too young to be visually objectified or judged by the same criteria as adult women."
     Bergsson urged the Mirror to review its age criteria for Most Beautiful Women candidates, "to prevent the objectification of innocent young girls like the Princess."

     The Queen declined to comment.

____________________

Calling all girls
ROYAL BALL FOR A ROYAL BRIDE

THE PRINCE HAS announced details of this year's Royal Ball, and it's set to be the biggest social event our kingdom has ever seen.

     Why? Because it could end with a royal proposal!

     We all know the Prince has been under pressure to find a suitable bride before he takes to the throne. And this year, he's sending invitations to every eligible lady in the land for dances, feasts, and a little magic in the air.

     Do you think you've got what it takes to win our charming Prince's heart? Here's what you need to know.

November 1, 2 and 3!

Not one, not two, but three nights of dance and frivolity! Mark them in your Almanac now! And triple-book your dressmaker before someone else does!

Make an entrance!

A good first impression is priceless. Travel in style, and step straight from your carriage to his arms on the dance floor.

You'll be a shoe-in!

Remember, the Prince is renowned for his modest gaze. When dancing, he's known to shy away from eye contact, so your shoes could be the most important part of your outfit.

Girls, over to you. Good luck - and have a ball!

Acronyms Can GTFO.

Before I begin, let me say that I'm all for short, direct communication. I don't like overly lyrical language because more often than not, it exists to revel in itself, rather than to send messages to its reader.

I like short sentences. I like short words. I like short paragraphs.
But I don't like bloody acronyms.

Yes, they are a way of shortening longer, more complex concepts. Yes, when designed cleverly, they can condense a multi-word, many-syllable phrase down to a single syllable.

SCUBA is a good example of a well-designed acronym. It stands for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus,  but thanks to strategic placement of the vowels, those five words can be pronounced with just two syllables.

Other acronyms are less catchy, but are vital for reducing complexity in academic and technical texts (EEG, LED, HIV-AIDS, GLBT).

But the social media generation has misappropriated the acronym. It crept into our lives insidiously, with the effort-saving chat terms LOL and BRB. But soon LOL wasn't enough. We didn't buy it. Everyone was saying LOL, but it didn't mean they were really laughing. We had to go better. We had to have LMAO, ROFL, ROFLMAO, ILSHISMANIWNTGHACMT (I laughed so hard I soiled myself and now I will have to go home and change my trousers).

But it's no better. It's still not convincing. You know why?

Because you can't abbreviate an emotional reaction.

With these ugly internet acronyms, we are attempting to take a shortcut through human experience. And why? To save time? Do you know what life is made up of? Only the passing of the hours. So stop abbreviating, and engage.

A little while ago I started seeing this one everywhere.

FML
fuck my life

I thought it was the worst one yet. Self-pitying, in a flippant (heh, secret casual swearing) sort of way, yet still clearly a statement of short-sighted misery. A three-letter plea for attention and sympathy.

"Dude, I'm grounded. FML."

"Missed the bus again and got stuck in the rain. FML."

When you see this used, how does it make you feel? Sympathetic? Amused? Concerned? Or just bloody impatient? Personally I think it reeks of laziness and empty self-pity.

But it's not the worst.
The worst (so far) is something I've only learned about in the last couple of weeks. It's common on forums and message boards and it's used in two ways: (1) to announce a summary of the text displayed above it; and (2) to declare that your own laziness is so profound that you refuse to bother reading the text displayed above.

TL;DR
too long; didn't read

This is contemptible. When used as a response to someone else's writing, it proclaims disinterest, laziness, and disrespect.

"Oh, something about... a messy breakup... you're contemplating suici... my god, are you always this long-winded?"

The "too long" text might be serious or silly; it might be poorly written, poorly spelled, overly verbose, or unformatted (for instance, a lack of paragraphs, resulting in an intimidating wall of unbroken text).

But if you're taking the time to respond, why the hell wouldn't you take the time to read?

And when used by the author himself as a summary device -

"Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah.
TL;DR - blah."

- I simply ask - why cater to those people who are too lazy to read your words in full? The summary is not going to convey your full meaning. So a response to it will not have the quality of an informed response. Have a little respect for your own words, as well as the words of others.

I want to say stop using ugly acronyms. But I'm fairly sure all you guys who read this blog are good about spelling out whole words most of the time (and having the patience to read long-winded diatribes like this one).

Good on you, guys. Fight the fight.

Polar Coordinates.

Fun etymological fact for the day!

ARCTIC comes from the Greek word ARKTOS, meaning "bear".

So ANTARCTIC is Greek for "without bear".
Makes sense.

Abortion: The Fight For What Might Have Been.

The abortion debate is heated lately.

You might have noticed the message in my sidebar about a petition for Abortion Choice in Australia. It's there because, for some reason, abortion is still illegal in Queensland, South Australia, Tasmania and the Northern Territory except in life-threatening circumstances.

Most of the time, these laws lie dormant and women do what they have to. Luckily abortion isn't flat-out banned, so good doctors are willing to perform the operation when they are satisfied with the woman's reasons.

However, these outdated laws can and do rear their ugly heads. This week, a young woman in Queensland faces prosecution for having an abortion. She's nineteen with her life ahead of her. I don't know who decided to blow the whistle, but this girl is now facing a maximum sentence of seven years jail. Her partner, too, could be imprisoned for up to three years. Their doctor? Nineteen years. (Though I don't know if the doctor has been identified.)

Stupid? Yah-huh.

And when stuff like this happens, good doctors get on their guard. Women in need have a much harder time finding a safe way to abort. But it doesn't stop them aborting. Their reasons are their own, and they know it. Unfortunately, when the law's not on their side, medical safety isn't either.

So sign the petition. All you need to do is click the link, enter your name, postcode and email address.

Or don't you agree with allowing women the choice to terminate?
Maybe you're like the obnoxious Young Liberal who spoke against Pro Choice in my Year 12 English class? He set his powerpoint presentation to a soundtrack of weeping violin music and exposed us to gory photographs of late-term aborted foetuses.

I find these tactics repulsive. I can show you photographs of medical surgery too, and you'd be just as upset about it. We don't like seeing blood or exposed flesh that looks human. It's a physical disgust thing. It doesn't make abortion murder. It's a surgical procedure to remove a rapidly multiplying bundle of cells. And surgical procedures? Are gory. Deal.

Here's a much more appealing speaker for "life", as it were. Gianna Jessen is a US Pro Life activist who survived her mother's abortion and was born premature but alive.

>> And click here to watch Part 2 <<

Jessen is a wonderful speaker. She has a marvelous turn of phrase and a passion that just can't be taught. But I think holding her case up as an example is dishonest.

Jessen says that her mother's abortion was administered at seven-and-a-half months. This is no typical abortion. This is an illegal, extreme late-term abortion, performed on a foetus that had (quite evidently) developed to a point where it was able to survive outside the womb. The legal cutoff point in Australia is between 14-24 weeks (it varies from state to state). Gianna's mother had been pregnant for 30 weeks, and seeking an abortion at that point was deeply irresponsible.

Furthermore, Jessen is persuasive because she is here. Thirty-three years after being subjected to a dose of acid that should have ended her life before it begun, she is here, she is a human being, and she is whole. Can you imagine what the world would have lost if she had never lived? But this is a false hypothesis. She did live, and no other course of events is possible.

There is just no point in appealing to What Might Have Been. Any foetus that doesn't survive an abortion is not comparable to Gianna Jessen, who has grown up and built a life for herself and has a tangible existence to fight for.

Gianna Jessen Is.
Any foetus that doesn't survive an abortion simply Is Not.

Survey: Tell me about god.

Just curious - what kind of god do you believe in?

Look. I'm an atheist, and I make no apologies for that. I'd love to be able to persuade everybody that there's no good reason for believing in God, but I know it doesn't work that way, and in most cases, it's not important how you perceive God, as long as you don't think s/he's communicating with you directly about a series of honour killings s/he's planning.

When I write about religion, the aspect that really matters to me is the moral one. To that end, I've put together a short (10 question) survey about god, God, gods, the gods, and/or other deities of note.

If you're religious and you're able to read it without getting offended because I'm being too cheeky, I'd really appreciate if you could fill this survey out. It's totally anonymous and like I said, just 10 questions long.
(For questions with circle options, you can only select one answer.
For questions with square options, you can choose as many answers as you like.)

Thanks!

This survey was created for free at SurveyMonkey.com

Come out, come out, wherever you are.

Good morning and Happy Coming Out Day, y'all!

What's that? Never heard of it? Some newfangled "awareness" event following the trend set by "To Write Wank On Her Arms Day"?

Actually, International Coming Out Day has been running every year since 1988. It commemorates the first queer March on Washington, on October 11, 1987. The reason you've probably never heard of it is that nobody actually comes out on Coming Out Day.

It's a hard and scary thing to do, and you can't just do it once. Coming out is an ongoing act that can take months or years, because you can't just whip out a megaphone and tell everyone at once. You have to talk to your parents, your friends, your siblings, your workmates, your classmates, your grandparents, your church, the woman at the jewellery store, the guy at the newsagent, and all those gay people you were hoping to sleep with.

The early times are solemn and formal - "I need to tell you something." Later it becomes something you are able to reveal as you become close to people. Eventually you're able to talk about "my girlfriend" in casual conversation with anyone. Because screw them if they don't like it - you have a girlfriend and she's very hot and she's relevant to the discussion at hand. Probably.

But the first person you come out to is the hardest. And the scariest. And the most important. And it'll take you years - maybe decades. That person has already tried to broach the subject with you.
"Please," they said, "I need to know - are you gay?"
And you thundered, "NO I'M NOT."
You argued, "I can't be. Not me. Can't it be somebody else? I'm normal! Why shouldn't I be normal?"
But inevitably the day comes when you can't pretend any more. You have to tell them the truth. They deserve it. You deserve it.

See, the first person is you.

So today can't be a day to shove anyone out of the closet. I'm not going to call anyone chicken. The people who have to act today are us. You and me - gay and straight and bi and trans and all you wacky unicorn-worshippers out there.

Show them it's safe.

Show them that this is a beautiful, colourful, many-splendoured world. Whatever they are, whoever they love, and whenever they're ready - your doors are open.

Thank You.

Whatever comes next
Nothing will erase my happy memories.

Bad to the Bone.

Following on from my musings on morality the other day, I pose a controversial question.
Are some people just intrinsically bad?

I read this yesterday - Will vs. Grace - at my new favourite science blog, Not Exactly Rocket Science.
According to the study results, some people are honest without even thinking about it.
But for other people, moral behaviour is a choice - and a struggle.

A couple of researchers at Harvard hooked people up to an fMRI (brain scanner, for those of us who aren't going to look that up). Claiming they were studying psychic ability, the researchers told their subjects to predict the results of coin tosses. The subjects were paid per accurate prediction.

For some trials, the subjects had to declare their predictions before the coin toss. Let's call these the Fair Trials, because they offered no opportunities for cheating.
For the other trials, subjects only had to watch the toss, and then say whether they'd predicted right. This method - the Temptation Trial - allowed people the chance to cheat for extra cash.

Findings?
The researchers were looking at activity in certain parts of the brain, in areas related to mental control. Using the Fair Trials as a baseline, they could see how much activity was normal in these areas when the subjects were forced to be honest.

For the Temptation Trials, the researchers isolated the results of people whose predictions were improbably accurate. When these people reported correct predictions, their brain scans showed heightened activity. This suggests they were deliberating on whether or not to report their true results, or lie for a bigger reward.
But here's the kicker: when these people admitted wrong predictions, their brains were even more active. Remember, they had the opportunity to lie here. And it looks like they struggled not to.

In people whose results were clearly no better than chance, this type of brain activity remained level, regardless of whether they won or lost, and their response times were quicker. For these people, it seems honesty wasn't even a question.

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'Course, you can't make grand assumptions based on these results. Lying about a coin toss doesn't translate to multi-million dollar embezzlement or cheating on your sweetheart. But what if? What if some of us are just deep-down dirty bastards inside?

To a point, though, it feels true to me. Some people are just drawn toward naughty behaviour. The desire to make selfish choices can be really powerful, especially when the alternative feels like a sacrifice.
But it's sad that for some people, being "good" is so hard. Unfair, somehow. Instinct is involuntary, and when our instinct is to be selfish/dishonest, we really have to fight to act against it. Yet, when we fail, it doesn't mean we are weaker than those "good" people who shake their heads at us. We tried and failed, but they don't even need to try.

Goodness, Me?

CAUTION: BLUNTLY ATHEIST CONTENT

Is it possible to be good without God?

Hell yeah.

The various religions have their lists of what is good and bad behaviour, but they don't tend to give us any good reasons why. If you press the matter, you'll probably get an answer like "it is an abomination."
We shouldn't kill or steal or covet. Mamma and Pappa are to be respected. Don't splash God's name about like that. There's one commandment that is backed up with a reason: no hero worship. Why? Because God will get jealous and torture you and your children and your children's children.

If you're Christian, you'll prefer Jesus's summarised version, which goes like:

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, your soul and mind.

Love your neighbour as yourself.

Look, it's nice, but again, why? What has God done to deserve my love? And in any case, love is organic. You can't order someone to love.

I suppose, if you're faithful, you believe that God represents all that is good, and that loving Him/Her/It is a declaration of goodness in itself. But this is just circular.

I'd really rather base my morality on a reasoned idea of good.

I think that there is one ultimate cause we serve by doing good: life.
Every effort we make in this world is an act of life. We eat and sleep. We learn and grow. We have children. And we teach them all we know. We work toward the continuing cycle of life. We don't just try to create and prolong it; we try to make it great. We want life to be happy. We want it to be prosperous. But we cannot focus on one life alone. Our own lives depend on other lives. Our families raise us. Our friends support us. Our employers give us the capital we need to support ourselves. Our lovers help us build new families. Our children go on after we are gone.

I think that acts of good should be defined as acts for life. Supporting and improving life should be the goal of good people. Love helps. Love makes us want to do this. But even without love, we should try to respect and honour life where we find it.

Acts such as murder, theft, adultery, violence and cruelty are undeniably bad.

Acts which end or prevent life - euthanasia, abortion, birth control - might be seen as bad, by my definition. But I think that these acts support quality of life. Forcing someone to live through terminal illness and agonising pain is not an act of life. Forcing someone to bear and raise a child they are not equipped for is sabotage of both potential mother and child.

And because I have to include this - acts like same-sex partnership are acts for life. No, gay sex won't make a baby. But love - regardless of fertility - is a natural and beautiful experience that enriches our lives. If you have love, don't withhold it. It's a precious thing.

But that doesn't mean you should love everything or everyone. Every person deserves life and kindness and basic respect, but love must be earned. And we should all be working to earn it.

If there were some finite value that defined perfection, we would be inadequate forever. Compare us to God: an immortal, all-powerful creator - and we, the weak and the dying. We are small and our lives are short and we are ugly and dirty and sinful. God is in Heaven and we are on Earth. Heaven is the most awesome and wonderful place in the whole universe, but we can't go there till after we die. Great. So life is just a waiting room.

Forget that. Live for what you have. Fill it up and share it with those around you.
Your punishment for evil is not some vague and distant pit of fire. It's just this -

Empty death.

Name It, Do It.

As I made very clear in my last post, communication is a pretty valuable thing. As humans, the power we have is the power to share and learn from each other. And to do that, we have to be able to say things exactly as we mean them. Otherwise "meanings" are just interpretations, and we remain stuck inside our own heads trying to figure it all out alone.

So I want to zoom in and take a look at what communication is made of. Today, a bunch of stuff about nouns and verbs - the very elements of language.

The Painful Nouning Process
Nouns are names for all the things we talk about.
The thing you sleep in. The thing you stand on in the dark. The thing you brush your teeth with. The thing you married. A noun is just a more specific word for a "thing".


Some nouns label concrete objects that can be seen, touched, or otherwise perceived in the physical world:

coathanger
porcupine
your mum

And other nouns label abstract things that don't have physical properties. Instead, they represent ideas and concepts:

apathy
friendship
human resources management

Some are proper nouns, which means they get to have a capital letter. This is because they are unique and specific - people's names, locations, book titles, brands and so forth.

Mabel
(as opposed to just "girl", which could refer to any girl, whether or not she was Mabel)

Melbourne
(as opposed to "city", which could refer to any city, regardless of how crap the coffee is there)

Xena, Warrior Princess
(as opposed to just any old Ancient Greek warrior princess. Like, pfft, nobody cares, sweetheart)

Verbs: Just Do It
Verbs are the words of action. Verbs are what bring sentences to life.

Verbs can be concrete, physical actions:

Dance
Explode
Scream

Or they can be abstract, internal actions (or processes, or events):

Achieve
Wish
Include

Subject, Verb, Object
Actions require actors. So a verb must be linked with a subject - somebody or something to perform the action. For instance:

Jennie smiles
The windows shatter
Herbert dreams
Reality bites

(The only time when a verb is used without a subject is in the case of a command:

Wash those grubby hands

Wipe your filthy face

Stop fidgeting and sit still

Shut your little mouth

In these, the subject is implied. It's you. You're being addressed directly, so there is no need for the subject of the sentence to be named.)

An action may be targeted toward an object:

I adore Stephen Fry
The kittens tear up the curtain
Insects scurry across the tiles
Vanessa conceals her agony

If language were a science, subject, verb and object would be the elements. In every sentence, we should know where they are. In every sentence, they should clearly relate to one another.

The subject identifies who (or what) we're talking about.

I...

The verb tells us what they did (or are doing, or will do).

I love...

And the object, or objects, complete the picture by showing us where the action is directed.

I love you.