Sea Witch found guilty
of dangerously unstable
"human makeover"THE SEA WITCH has admitted to performing an illegal mermaid-to-human spell on the Mer-King's youngest daughter. The transformation was made without parental consent, and in unregulated conditions.
Mermaid-to-human enchantments are extremely unstable if not properly monitored, due to body-spirit incompatibility. The Princess is currently living as a human, but the spell that created her body does not extend to creation of a soul. Without a soul, her body is at risk of chronic muscular pain, seizure, and heart failure.
"The little mermaid came to me," says the witch. "She was desperate, and she didn't want her family to be involved." The witch says she performed the spell because "if I hadn't, the girl would have found someone else to do it."
According to the Sea Witch, the Princess is intending to acquire a soul via marriage. If she can influence an ensouled human male to make a holy vow of love, then his soul will transfer to her.
The Princess's family are deeply worried about the risks of this plan, and have launched a search for the Princess, hoping to convince her to return to the sea. Atlantic authorities are in negotiation with the Sea Witch, and may reduce her sentence if she is willing to reverse the Princess's transformation.____________________
RAPED IN HER SLEEP
Coma victim gives birth to twinsA LONG-TERM COMA sufferer awoke last week to find herself giving birth to twins from an unknown father. The woman was found wandering disoriented around an abandoned castle estate, holding the two infants in her arms.
Authorities have identified her as Briar Rose, a daughter of royal representatives several decades ago. The woman's story correlates closely to the documented records. She believes herself to have been comatose since suffering a severe allergic reaction to flax fibres at the age of 16. Her current age is unknown.
The sleeping Ms Rose could only have been impregnated via sexual assault, authorities say. Unfortunately, there is very little evidence available to help identify the offender.
The twins, a boy and girl, are remarkably healthy and suffered no complications during the pregnancy or birth. Ms Rose has named them Sun and Moon.____________________
Saleswoman turns serial killerRESIDENTS OF THE Woodside area are being warned not to invite salespeople into their homes, after a housekeeper was exposed to a contaminated comb being offered as a free sample.
Yesterday afternoon, Woodside residents found their maid, Snow White, unconscious on the floor with the comb tangled in her hair. They removed the comb, which was found to be coated in a powerful contact poison. Ms White regained consciousness confused but unharmed. She described her attacker as a thin, stooped woman aged 45-55, wearing a tattered grey robe. She noted that the woman was well-spoken, and may have been a member of a high-status family suffering depleted finances.
Woodside residents are urged to be on the lookout for a woman fitting this description. If you receive a house call from this woman or any other suspicious stranger, please contact local authorities.